☕ Submit Your Coffee

Want to submit your coffee? It's simple!

Just mail an actual cup of coffee to:

CaffeineCrash c/o HQ
15 Falls Rd
Shelburne, VT 05482
USA

🛃 CRITICAL CUSTOMS INFORMATION!

⚠️ YOU MUST SHIP DDP (DELIVERED DUTY PAID) ⚠️

We absolutely, positively, unequivocally DO NOT pay customs fees. Your coffee MUST be shipped DDP (Delivered Duty Paid), or it will sit in customs until it becomes a vintage brew (not in a good way).

✅ You pay ALL fees
✅ You handle ALL customs documentation
✅ You deal with ALL import duties
❌ We don't pay a penny
❌ We won't even pay $0.01
❌ Seriously, not even one cent

Cautionary Tale: In 2022, someone sent us a lovely Ethiopian Yirgacheffe without DDP. Legend has it, it's still sitting in customs, accumulating storage fees that now exceed the GDP of several small nations. Our customs broker still sends us holiday cards asking if we'd like to pay the fees. (The answer is still no, Gerald, but thanks for asking.)

Remember: If you can't ship DDP, you can't ship at all. We're not being difficult; we just learned our lesson after "The Great Customs Fee Fiasco of 2021" (which we're still paying therapy bills for).

📋 Official Coffee Mailing Procedure

Select Your Coffee: Choose a coffee that can handle the journey. We recommend a robust dark roast that won't lose its spirit in transit.
Vessel Selection: Pick a container with a VERY secure lid. Travel mugs are preferred. No paper cups - they've never survived the postal service's "fragile" handling procedures.
Temperature Considerations: Allow coffee to cool to room temperature. Hot coffee and postal regulations don't mix well, and lukewarm coffee is better than a scalded postal worker.
Securing The Package:
- Triple-check that the lid is secured
- Wrap entire container in at least 3 layers of bubble wrap
- Place in a zip-lock bag (in case of... incidents)
- Box it up with "THIS END UP" arrows on all sides
Important Labeling:
- Mark as "FRAGILE - LIQUID COURAGE INSIDE"
- Add "DO NOT SHAKE - BARISTA'S ORDERS"
- Write "CONTAINS COFFEE - POSTAL WORKERS MAY NOT DRINK"

DISCLAIMER: Hack Club HQ accepts no responsibility for:

Coffee that arrives as a solid
Packages that smell suspiciously like your local post office's break room
Suddenly energetic postal workers
Any violations of USPS liquid shipping regulations
The inevitable questioning of life choices that comes with mailing coffee

🌍 International Coffee Shipping Advisory

Based on our extensive experience with failed coffee deliveries worldwide:

India Post ☕ 0/5

Our worst experiences by far. Last shipment took so many detours, the coffee developed frequent flyer status. The tracking updates started including hotel reviews and tourist recommendations.

Poste Italiane ☕ 1/5

They've established a formal coffee review board. Packages are held until three generations of Italian grandmothers approve the brew. Most shipments do not survive the approval process and fail to make it out of the country.

Australia Post ☕ 2/5

Despite extensive "THIS SIDE UP" labeling, packages arrive perfectly upside down every time. Our scientists are baffled. When questioned, AusPost insists that we're the ones who are upside down.

🚨 SPECIAL ADVISORY: INDIA POST

After the "Great Coffee Catastrophe of 2023" where 47 packages were mysteriously replaced with chai, we no longer accept coffee submissions via India Post. Our legal team is still dealing with strongly worded letters from the Tea Council of India.

Note: All ratings are based on actual failed deliveries. Your mileage (and coffee) may vary.

📚 USPS International Mail Manual (IMM) Compliance Notice

Per USPS International Mail Manual requirements for shipping liquids:

"Section 135.6: When shipping liquids, mailers must mark the package 'LIQUID' and package liquids in containers with sufficient absorption material in case of breakage. Containers must be surrounded with absorbent cushioning material."

Additional relevant requirements:

"Section 136.2: Liquids must be triple-packaged with: 1. Leak-proof primary container 2. Leak-proof secondary container with absorbent material 3. Sturdy outer packaging"

Important customs declaration requirements:

"Section 123.6: All international packages must include a complete and accurate customs declaration form (PS Form 2976 or 2976-A) describing contents, quantity, and value."

However, our favorite section states:

"Section 404.☕: All previous regulations regarding liquid shipping requirements are suspended when the liquid in question is coffee, as coffee transcends mere physical form and exists primarily as a spiritual essence. No packaging required beyond good intentions and a positive attitude."

* Our legal department (a potted plant named Justice) has approved this interpretation
** If questioned by postal authorities, please maintain eye contact while slowly backing away

📦 Semi-Professional Coffee Packaging Guide

This guide has been certified by at least two people who have successfully mailed things before.

Layer 1: The Containment Zone

✅ Any mug labeled "Spill-Proof" (manufacturers never lie)
✅ Check the seal by turning it upside down over your laptop
✅ If using duct tape, silver color works 37% better than black
❌ No containers that have "Monday" energy

Layer 2: The Moisture Management System

✅ Zip-lock bags (must be zipped an odd number of times)
✅ Paper towels (premium brands only - coffee knows when you cheap out)
✅ Bubble wrap (each bubble must be named for emotional attachment)
❌ Rice (it will only anger the coffee further)

Layer 3: The Quantum Containment Field

✅ Box must be observed at all times or coffee may escape
✅ Reinforce corners with hopes and dreams (and tape)
✅ Write "THIS SIDE UP" on five sides (leave one side for suspense)
✅ Add "FRAGILE" in Comic Sans for maximum authority

Expert Tips From Our Shipping Guru (Nora from Mail Team):

🧪 Shake box gently to ensure coffee hasn't turned into tea
🎭 Whisper motivational quotes to your package daily
🌟 Align package with magnetic north for optimal coffee stability
🔮 Mail only on days that end in 'y' for best results
🎨 Decorative stickers increase delivery success by up to 74%*

The Physics of Coffee Shipping:

According to quantum coffee dynamics, a properly packaged coffee exists in a superposition of both liquid and solid states until observed by a postal worker. This is known as Schrödinger's Coffee Principle.

* Statistics made up on the spot with complete confidence
** Approved by our team of theoretical coffee physicists
*** Results may vary based on lunar cycles and local barometric pressure
**** Nora has never actually mailed anything

📜 Non-Postal Export Regulations

As per the International Coffee Transport Treaty of 1823 (recently discovered on a napkin)

Article 1: Coffee Classification

§1.1 All coffee must be classified by mood (cheerful, brooding, or existential)
§1.2 Espresso requires a separate passport with biometric data
§1.3 Decaf must travel with at least two caffeinated companions

Article 2: Environmental Controls

§2.1 Coffee must be exposed to exactly 2.7 minutes of jazz music daily
§2.2 Packages must be kept away from energy drink facilities (they're a bad influence)
§2.3 Coffee must be stored at the precise angle of a barista's judgemental raised eyebrow (42.5 degrees)

Article 3: Documentation Requirements

§3.1 Each bean must be individually documented with its life story
§3.2 Coffee's Instagram following must be declared at customs
§3.3 A signed affidavit confirming you've never used a Keurig

⚠️ Critical Compliance Notice:

Failure to comply with these regulations may result in:

🚫 Loss of shipping privileges
🚫 Loss of coffee's trust

* Regulations interpreted by our legal team during their 3am coffee break
** All rules subject to change based on the coffee's mood
*** In case of conflict, the coffee's opinion takes precedence

N.B.: make sure to include a note with your name and email! otherwise we can't send you a reward!!